Today is Sassy’s 5 month Angelversary. Yesterday we celebrated Snickers & Jasmines 5 month birthday. Yes, the 2 girls were born a day before my Angel crossed the Bridge. Kind of bitter sweet but Sally told me that Sassy had picked them out for me.
So looking back at 5 months ago we (Sassy, my mom & I) made the journey to the vet to have our check up for our Metronomics (Leukeran). I expected to come home with her. When we went in I knew she was having a little bit of trouble panting but thought it was because she had just been diagnosed with a staph infection in her bladder & started on antibiotics little did I think it was because of the lung mets. We were told to watch for coughing etc which Sassy never had any of that but the 1st time when we diagnosed the mets. I made the promise to Sassy when we started this journey that I would never let her suffer. When Dr Boyer came into the room August 20,2013 I knew it was bad. She looked at Sassy & looked at me. I won’t forget these words “She isn’t as pink as she usually is” meaning her tongue & mouth she was not getting enough oxygen. Dr Boyer then listened to her lungs, chest and said I can’t hear her heart beat. Which means she had fluid between her lungs & chest cavity & possibly on her lungs. We were then given a couple of options 1 Surgery to drain the fluid off or PTS. The surgery would just have delayed what the decision would have been and made Sassy a little comfortable for a short period of time and the fluid would come back maybe in a week or more or even less. I looked at Sassy’s smiling face that day and knew that I couldn’t let her suffer another surgery that would just make it worse later. I chose to let her go. The hardest decision I ever could make for my baby. But I know she is healthy & happy where she is and not in pain. Most of all NO CANCER. I know I will see her again some day. I look at her smiling face every day above my computer. I talk to her all the time so I know she is here.
Sally this last one is for you because I know you love it too
Michelle, I wish I could help make things better. You are getting past these hard days, though, and remembering the good stuff. Don’t ever let the bad thoughts outweigh or outnumber the good ones. There was far, far more good for Sassy than bad. If you had asked her if she thought she had too many bad moments, she probably would have looked at you like you were crazy. Sassy herself was happy, and that matters so much.
My favorite of these pictures is the second one. She’s saying “ah geeze, I know I’m beautiful but what can I say?”
Shari
Never the bad thoughts. I just never really wrote about what happened that day. It was really too hard to talk about. It was rough writing it but I made it through. You are right about her being happy. She always was. Even that last day she had a beautiful smile. I can hear her saying that Shari.
Michelle, I admire you for so many reasons. The way you had the courage and the love to keep that promise to Sassy is yet another reason for my admiration.
As you know, Sassy was so stoic and this, while already probably uncomfortable, was only going to get worse very, very quickly. I know a human who had the fluid drained as a temporary fix. It did give relief for a very short period of time. Then came back just as quickly, only worse. Then the morphine was started to help control the pain. There was no quality, only existence in a drug induced haze. Of course, with humans, we aren’t allowed to give the gift of release from pain. We aren’t allowed to let go while there’s still some quality and joy and let them feel that, and the selfless love, as they cross over.
Yes, I sure do admire you Michelle.
Wow! The “twi s” were born just one day before Sassy crossed over! You betcha shehad her paws all over that choice! I remembered how I absolutely giggled out loud when you posted you went to look at one puppy…..and came home with TWO!! Yeah, Sassy knew it would take two adorable ouppies (one of whom she taught how to do a roach:-) 🙂 to help ut a little bit of joy back in your life!
These pictures are so precious. and yeah, Shari is right, she knows how pretty she is!
How in the world she sat so perfectly, so beautifully, so regal for that first picture is beyond me! She always has the most luxurious, shiny fur! Quite the envy of every dog!
Anf then we have THE most beautiful forever treasure of all time…..her portrait!! cold look at that a million tmes, and everytime it takes my breath away. Everytime I glance over at the o e yu so lovingky gave me, I smile. You cannot look at that face and not smile back! Michelle, I know I’ve said this a hundred tmes, but that artist absolutely captured the essence of who she is! The gentleness, the love, the joy, the intelligence, the wisdom, the playfulness…..all captured forever.
She was so loved and she sure did know it! The security and trust she had with you even made her life all that much more remarkable.
I still can’t get over that the ups were born literaly hours before she crossed over! She made sure they were on the way! Love that!
Just in case I didn’t make my point…..i admire you!!
From our hearts,
Sally and Happy Hannah
Thank you Sally. 🙂
Awww M, lots of hugs coming at you. I know this wasn’t easy to write about but in so many ways it’s therapy that will help you in the long run.
You are an amazing dog mom and you two shared a bond that will never, ever disappear even as time goes on. Love is stronger than anything else in the universe.
Michelle & Sassy, we love you!
Michelle, I so understand with losing Chessie in much the same way only three days before Sassy. We were both so blessed to have dogs whose “wonderfulness” was too wonderful to ever be explained in mere words. I don’t think any of us could ever forget Sassy and how amazing it has been for us to share her through you.