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November 26, 2016 My Friend Shanna

Saturday, November 26th, 2016

My dearest friend Shanna,

Today we lost you to this damn disease.  Our Tripawds brought us together and made us friends.  I know Trouble was there to greet you but I sure hope Sassy was there  to welcome you..  My heart is breaking.  It wasn’t supposed to be this way you were supposed to sail through these treatments.  I can’t believe you are gone.  I am so so shocked.  You always were so strong.  I know you are healthy now.  Please watch over Bob.  I am praying that you are 100% healthy again.  I don’t even know what I am feeling right now.

I am so glad I got to meet you.  I was hoping to get to see you again when you were up to it.   This crappy effing disease.     This is not good bye but until we meet again my friend.  I love you.

 

 

April 25,2015

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These pictures on the bottom are from the 1st time I met Shanna & Bob.  The top is the 2nd time they were in town.

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Here she is talking about Trouble

 

I will miss you.

 

xoxoxo

Michelle

 

An update on our lives

Wednesday, November 9th, 2016

Well, next Monday the 14th would have been Sassy’s 4 year ampuversary if she was here.  So we will start with my girl that brought us to this family.   Even though our journey wasn’t what I wanted ( I wanted a lot longer) I still love her and miss her.  This past 2 months have been rough.  We have lost a few of our Warriors.  We have more & more babies joining.  What I want more than anything (besides my girl back but that can’t happen) is for a cure for this effing disease.

 

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So this is what is happening now.  We finally have Jazz on a great path after limping for a few month and chiropractic, acupuncture, laser & deep tissue massage we are finally coming to the end of her treatments.  One left on the 17th.   Then we will go 3-4 months to see how she does.  I am so glad I finally went that way.

Onto Bosch.  He had entropian surgery for his eyes at the end of July after fighting for 3-4 months of eye ulcers.  He got sick a few weeks ago and we did some x-rays to make sure nothing was going on with tummy, liver, spleen etc.  I am so happy to say nothing going on there.  He also had some back pain with it.  We weren’t sure if it was the straining of getting sick that caused it or something else going on there.  In the x-rays we saw that he had a little arthritis or spondalosis (not spelled right) going on from l4-L7.  So we are treating him with some chiropractic and laser as well with a supplement called Tryxin.  The Tryxin helps keep everything lubricated.

 

Snickers turn. She has been limping on her left front leg for a few weeks so we did the rest thing.  Doing a sedated x-ray.    I think I posted earlier in the summer about finding a small cyst on her back.  Well it is growing.  We had it aspirated the day after I found it.  That just said cyst cells no cancer cells.  We are having it removed tomorrow and will be doing pathology on it.   I said if they had to sedate her they might as well put her under anesthesia and take the cyst.

 

So that has been our life in a nutshell for awhile.

 

Bosch & Snickers

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Jazz

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Four years ago today

Monday, October 10th, 2016

Today I had one of those wonderful Facebook memories (not really) although it brought me here where I have a great family.  Today would be 4 years when we thought Sassy had Osteoscaroma.  I wanted it to be a bad dream and an infection.  We started this journey with many tears and screams and ended it that way too.  I thank God every day this family and great friends here.

Sassy before her amputation  Oct 18, 2012 and before her first biopsy.  This is right around her 2nd opinion.  Do not be afraid to get 2nd opinions.  I found the most caring and great vet that way.

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The Puppy UP Walk

Monday, September 19th, 2016

Wow, all I can say is what an amazing couple of days.  I left home knowing it would be a great weekend but it totally exceeded my expectations.  I got there and had to make a small detour to the Verizon store because I forgot my phone charger and the car charger wasn’t working right.   So when I got there and saw Paula it was just an instant connection.  We then went to Glenn & Donna’s room and I met them Murphy and Linda.  No words can explain the instant connections.

We sat around and talked then Stephanie, Neka’s mom came; Lori and Sherry also joined us for a bit.  Just a great time.  Shared lots of stories about our furbabies current and Angels.  Everyone shared their stories.  We talked for hours.  It just seemed like time stood still.  Murphy got spoiled and we all just loved him.  The perfect host in their room.

Saturday we got up and had breakfast before the walk.  Went to the walk and met more wonderful people.   This family just is so amazing.  We all sat around and talked until it was time do to our walk.  It was supposed to be 2 miles but ended up more like 3 or more.  (I say 5 plus LOL).  Of course for someone who is WAY out of shape I about died and whined lol.  I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if the lady who was leading the walk and claimed to know the route really knew the route and didn’t keep getting lost.

I really felt our Angels and the ones who couldn’t be there with us were there on the walk.  Thank you so much to Paula, Linda, Donna, Glenn, Murphy and Heather, Joe, Cadence , Christine & Stephanie.  It was a great time.  I hope to get to do it again.

Tripawd family  left to right Greg, Cooper, Sherry, Sadie, Paula, Nitro, Stephanie, Neka, Christine, Otis, Linda, Max, Me, Sassy, Donna

in Front  Cadence, Heather & Joe, Glenn & Murphy

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Greg, Sherry, Cooper, Sadie

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Angel Board

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Cadence, Heather & Joe on the Puppy UP Walkimg_0656

 

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Cadence

 

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Heather & Cadence

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Sherry & Sadie & Christineimg_0641

 

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Christine

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The whole leash

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Sherry  (Leo’s mom), Me, Lori (Chuck’s mom)img_0631

 

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Back row  Sherry (Leo’s mom), Lori (Chuck’s mom), Me, Linda (Max’s mom) Donna

Front row Stephanie (Neka’s mom) Paula (Nitro’s mom) Glenn & Murphy

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Linda

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Paula, Murphy & Donnaimg_0620

 

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Just a great overall weekend.  Some tears were shed as it was so emotional (lots by me).  Just really missed my girl that day.    If you ever get a chance to meet up with someone from here take the opportunity.  It is a great feeling and one that you will feel the instant connection.  It has happened with several others on here that I have met  Shari, Angel Dakota’s mom and Bob & Shanna, Spirit Trouble’s parents, and Jim, Rene & Wyatt.   Such great friends everyone from this weekend and before.

 

xoxoxoxo

Michelle & Angel Sassy

Three Years as an Angel

Saturday, August 20th, 2016

Three years ago today I knew it would be a difficult day.  Not because I knew it would be Sassy’s last day but because Karma our good friend had made that final day arrangements for her Baby Brendol.  If you haven’t read about Brendol please do here.  http://brendol.tripawds.com/    She was a very loving sweet girl.   Karma, me and a bunch of others got to know each other and became good friends in the chat.   I just knew it would be a tough day since we (our family here) was losing a great girl.   zpfile005

I never dreamed that  Brendol and Sassy would meet.  As fate would have it Sassy went to the vet that day as we were having a check up.  I didn’t plan a final day because we didn’t know it would be.  But she was loved none the less.  Sassy and Brendol both crossed the Rainbow Bridge on August 20, 2013.

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In our grief Karma & I have become great friends and we both know our girls met at the Bridge and keeping watch over us and our furbabies.

 

Dear Sassy

Three Years ago you left your physical body to become an Angel.  My life was crushed.  I felt like life would never go on.  That I was just a shell of a person with out you here with me.  That life would never go on.  I cried every night.  Sometimes all day & night.  I didn’t want to work but I forced myself.  I sat in the chat room on Tripawds just watching and crying.  You weren’t there anymore to talk about.  It felt so lonely.  I missed you so much that I didn’t want to go on some days but I knew I had to because of Bosch.  He needed me too.

As I sit here writing this I am crying. Three years have gone by.  I miss your velvet ears even to this day.  I still miss you but I still celebrate you by coming here.  I don’t cry as often once in awhile.  The hurt isn’t a horrible unbearable pain anymore.  It has subsided.  I still miss you though.  Yes, three years has flown by  and yet some days it seems like a life time ago and some days just as it was yesterday.

I know you picked Snickers out and Jasmine too.  They were meant to help heal my heart which it has but you still are there and always will be.  These days are what is hard.  Who knew that 3 years would feel like a life time.  I miss your cuddly face and all the fun stuff we did.  Guide Snickers and I in our journey at a Therapy team (something I wish you & I would have gotten to do because you would have been great at it.)

Make sure to watch over all of our friends up there too and I love you my sweet girl.

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Sassy sugar bear costume 09

 

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Love you Sassy & Brendol

Happy 3rd Birthday Snickers & Jasmine

Friday, August 19th, 2016

Wow, hard to believe these wonderful babies are 3 years old today.  Who knew 3 years ago they would be apart of my life.  (well I didn’t but I think Sassy knew in a way).   They are so much fun and a handful all in one.  They have helped heal a broken shattered heart that I thought I wouldn’t ever make it back from.  Thank you Sassy for these 2 gifts.

Happy 3rd birthday

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I love you very much.  🙂

 

 

Happy 10Th Birthday on the Bridge Sassy

Tuesday, July 26th, 2016

Happy Birthday my sweet sweet Sassy.  Hard to believe 3 years ago we were celebrating your last birthday on Earth.  Who knew that almost a month later you would be gone.  As I look back I wouldn’t change a thing for your special day.  Steaks, birthday cake and Ice cream and lots & lots of love.  I think of you every single day.  I look at your smiling face above the computer.  I miss your touch and smell some days worse than others and today is that kind of day.

I sure hope you are partying it up on the Bridge with everyone.  Enjoying your day.  One day we will be together again & I will get to celebrate that special day.

Miss your sweet smiling disposition.  I know you are looking over us and will continue to.  I know I haven’t posted on your blog for awhile it doesn’t mean I have forgotten you or what you have done & contributed to our family.  I know you will be with Snickers & I as we continue our journey towards Therapy dog team.  Something I wish we would have gotten to do with you.

Happy 10th Birthday sweet girl.

Til we meet again I love you with my heart.

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This is the one I put on my shirt for the puppy up walk in IL.

18 month Ampuversary

 

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET SASSY SUGAR BEAR

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Love you

The Day I’ll Finally Stop Grieving

Friday, June 3rd, 2016

I saw this on one of the pages I belong to on Face book and it is so true.  It was on Paws to Angels, Pet Loss Center & Services With Love, Respect & Dignity.  It is a business run here in Omaha.   This is so so true.

 

Michelle

 

The Day I’ll Finally Stop Grieving

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“How long has it been? When is he going to get over that grief and move on already?”

I get it.

I know you might be thinking that about me or about someone else these days.

I know you may look at someone you know in mourning and wonder when they’ll snap out of it.

I understand because I use to think that way too.

Okay, maybe at the time I was self-aware enough or guilty enough not to think it quite that explicitly, even in my own head. It might have come in the form of a growing impatience toward someone in mourning or a gradual dismissing of their sadness over time or maybe in my intentionally avoiding them as the days passed. It was subtle to be sure, but I can distinctly remember reaching the place where my compassion for grieving friends had reached its capacity—and it was long before they stopped hurting.

Back then like most people, my mind was operating under the faulty assumption that grief had some predictable expiration date; a reasonable period of time after which recovery and normalcy would come and the person would return to life as it was before, albeit with some minor adjustments.

I thought all these things, until I grieved.

I never think these things anymore.

Two years ago I remember sitting with a dear friend at a coffee shop table in the aftermath of my father’s sudden passing. In response to my quivering voice and my tear-weary eyes and my obvious shell shock, she assured me that this debilitating sadness; this ironic combination of searing pain and complete numbness was going to give me a layer of compassion for hurting people that I’d never had before. It was an understanding, she said, that I simply couldn’t have had without walking through the Grief Valley. She was right, though I would have gladly acquired this empathy in a million other ways.

Since that day I’ve realized that Grief doesn’t just visit you for a horrible, yet temporary holiday. It moves in, puts down roots—and it never leaves. Yes as time passes, eventually the tidal waves subside for longer periods, but they inevitably come crashing in again without notice, when you are least prepared. With no warning they devastate the landscape of your heart all over again, leaving you bruised and breathless and needing to rebuild once more.

Grief brings humility as a housewarming gift and doesn’t care whether you want it or not.

You are forced to face your inability to do anything but feel it all and fall apart. It’s incredibly difficult in those quiet moments, when you realize so long after the loss that you’re still not the same person you used to be; that this chronic soul injury just won’t heal up. This is tough medicine to take, but more difficult still, is coming to feel quite sure that you’ll never be that person again. It’s humbling to know you’ve been internally altered: Death has interrupted your plans, served your relationships, and rewritten the script for you.

And strangely (or perhaps quite understandably) those acute attacks of despair are the very moments when I feel closest to my father, as if the pain somehow allows me to remove the space and time which separates us and I can press my head against his chest and hear his heartbeat once more. These tragic times are somehow oddly comforting even as they kick you in the gut.

And it is this odd healing sadness which I’ll carry for the remainder of my days; that nexus between total devastation and gradual restoration. It is the way your love outlives your loved one.

I’ve walked enough of this road to realize that it is my road now. This is not just a momentary detour, it’s the permanent state of affairs. I will have many good days and many moments of gratitude and times of welcome respite, but I’m never getting over this loss.

This is the cost of sharing your life with someone worth missing.

Two years into my walk in the Valley I’ve resigned myself to the truth that this a lifetime sentence. At the end of my time here on the planet, I will either be reunited with my father in some glorious mystery, or simply reach my last day of mourning his loss.

Either way I’m beginning to rest in the simple truth:

The day I’ll stop grieving—is the day I stop breathing.

 

 

 

Histioctyoma

Wednesday, June 1st, 2016

 

 

Well, I figured we were over the hump with Jasmine’s leg (the left one anyway).  Now we have a whole different can of worms going on.  On May 12, I noticed this lump on the inside ankle of her right leg pretty much on the ankle bone.  She was kind of licking at it.  so off to the vet I go with her.  Of course anyone having gone through this journey once with a cancer knows right where your mind goes.  So we had Dr Grant take a look at it she did a needle aspirate thinking it was a Mast cell tumor.  She never saw any mast cells.  Saw white cells, red cells & skin cells.  So good news right thinking it’s a bite of some kind.  4 days later after apply the ointment it didn’t look any better in fact it kind of looked worse.  So by then we saw Dr Traux.  He he thought because Jazz was licking the ointment off that it made it a lick granuloma and had it infected.  After 14 days of antibiotics it still didn’t look any better and Dr T was busy so we saw Dr Pfieffer (good thing I like all the vets).  She did another needle aspirate because it really didn’t respond to the Panalog cream and antibiotics.  She didn’t see mast cells again  Thank God.  But came up with the diagnosis of Histioctoma.  Which is a benign tumor  ..  Here is the definition

 

A histiocytoma is a benign skin tumor that originates in the Langerhans cells, immune cells that function to provide protective immunity to the tissues that are in contact with the outer environment — the nose, stomach, intestines and lungs, but mainly the skin’s surface. These cells are also referred to as dendritic cells, and histiocytes.

 

Histiocytomas are common in dogs, with some breeds appearing to be more predisposed that others. These breeds include flat-coated retrievers, bull terriers, boxers, dachshunds, cocker spaniels, Great Danes, and Shetland sheepdogs. More than 50 percent of diagnosed patients are under two years of age. Otherwise, there is no gender difference.

 

Symptoms

 

  • Small, firm, dome or button-shaped masses on the skin surface
  • Rare autoimmune blistering (dermoepithelial) masses, which may be ulcerated
  • Fast growing, nonpainful, usually solitary
  • Common sites are the head, ear edges, and limbs
  • Occasionally multiple skin nodules or plaques

Since some treatments can adversely affect malignant tumors, important to differentiate histiocytoma, a benign growth of tissue, from a malignant tumor. Your veterinarian will talk to you about this, and will give you the option of taking a wait-and-see approach. If you do have the tumor diagnosed conclusively, and it is found to be a histiocytoma, the usual method of treatment is surgical excision of the mass, or cryosurgery, which is conducted with a laser. Either one is generally curative.

 

If the mass is left alone, it may spontaneously regress within three months. This is a decision that you will have to make once you have been informed of every possible eventuality, and every treatment method that is available for your dog.

 

So for our treatment we are going to try treating with antihistimines and watch the tumor.  If it starts to grow then surgery.  Dr Pfifer measured it and we shall hope & pray no surgery because of where it is it would be hard to get it to close properly.  I will post a picture when I change the bandage.

 

Prayers for this thing to go away

 

 

Michelle

 

I know Sassy will watch over my girl

 

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Happy 10th Birthday Bosch

Thursday, May 5th, 2016

Well Bosch hit double digits 10 years old today.  That is an accomplishment for a Rottie.  This means this is the 3rd birthday that he has celebrated with out Sassy.  We know she was here celebrating with him.  I know he had a good birthday.  The kids were here we had cake & ice cream, sang to him and yes he even had a steak (forgot to get a picture of that though).  He really enjoyed it.

So I will share a few pictures from tonight

Birthday boy 10 years old Bosch

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Barking at Gabe

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Bosch & Gabe

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Bosch & Grace

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Bosch’s cake & Ice creamIMG_0274

 

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Snickers & Jazz eating their cake & Ice cream IMG_0280

 

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Sassy & Bosch at Sassy’s 7th Birthday party

 

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We love you Bosch.   Not many Rotties make 10 and he is our first 🙂  We are proud of you Marshmellow Boy

 

xoxoxxo